My Thoughtful Spot

Discipline

Let me begin with a confession.  I am skipping my daily nap, which has become a good habit, for some extra time online to write about discipline.  Does that make any sense?  I was gung ho about this Charlotte Mason Summer Study when it first started.  I wrote a big old post about atmosphere and then I got busy, I guess.  I've been wanting to write some thoughts on discipline, but you know, the strangest thing has happened. Ever since I started thinking about this little third of education, I've been struggling with it.  It's not just the typical noticing reality more, like when you're thinking about buying a Ford Windstar van and you start to see them all over the highway.  This is a serious decline in my ability to discipline my children and be disciplined myself.  It may even be declining in proportion to the rate that my pregnant belly is growing.  But that's impossible to measure.

I mentioned one day that I was working on first time obedience with Snuggler and a couple of people asked me to share about what I am doing.  Well here it is:  what I'm doing is failing miserably.  When it comes to first time obedience, here's a good idea  (if I kept highlighters in my home, I would have highlighted this sentence from Education Is in the brightest color possible.)

The main principle is to apply the consequences sooner. 

It sounds so simple.  But simple doesn't mean easy. And I keep on hearing myself say things like: "If you do that again, you're going to lose...."  "Do you hear me???"  "Look at me..."  "You're not listening to me..."  "This is your last chance...."  It's pitiful.

I have a book called Discipline That Lasts a Lifetime: The Best Gift You Can Give Your KIds by Dr. Ray Guarendi.  It's a riot.  It's full of parents with names like Consistently Inconsistent, Constantly Tired or Hoarse, who ask him for advice.  Unfortunately, I can identify with them.  It's probably time to read this whole book again.  I recently reread the chapter on Acting, Not Yakking.  There are some interesting points in it, like:  The more you talk, the less you're heard... and... The more space between your mouth and your kids' ears, the less you're heard, no matter how loud you get.

I think this explains why I've been so ineffective lately.  I'd much rather threaten from the big, comfy couch than get up and do something.  I'm continually waddling my 34 week pregnant body over to the bottom of the stairwell of our over 3500 square foot house and yelling up messages.  "Who's slamming that door?"  "What happened?"  "Why is so and so screaming?"  "Get down here right now!"  I really can't go up the stairs for nonsense.  I need to save my energy for when I need to go up there to check my emails, right?

Wrong.  I think that the importance of cultivating good habits in our children is the main message of Education is a Discipline.  Author Sonya Shafer lists some of Charlotte's thoughts:

• We should put intentional thought and effort into forming habits.
• It's not always easy to administer consequences, but our children's futures depend on our faithfulness and efforts to do so.
• Incessant watchfulness and work are required for forming and preserving habits.
• Cultivating good habits makes up one-third of our children's education.

If I agree with these thoughts, which I do, then shouldn't discipline be one of my top priorities?  Shouldn't the rest I need, the attention the kids need, the sticking with routines, the consistency, come before my desires to watch Tiger Woods or to finish education plans in one night or to post something on a online forum?  Well, yeah... but as Elizabeth stated in her discipline post, being vigilant and consistent requires grace.  Pray, pray, pray for the strength to be consistent.  I'll try.  And I'll keep reading things that inspire me.

Books, Habits, Movies

Not much to blog about lately.  I've been busy trying to keep up with our daily routines and weekly chores.  Oh yeah, and homeschooling.  Today I went to the OB/GYN.  I'm going every two weeks now.  Everything looks good.  For awhile I was reading these books at night.

I can't seem to decide if I want to work on habits, life skills or manners with the kids.  And if I choose one of those categories, then which habit or which group of life skills or what type of manners shall we work on first?  So I'm doing what I do when I am feeling uncertain or confused, which is nothing.  Of course, I will pray about it, but I mean I won't take any action other than that.

Saturday night I went to my father's house to borrow a movie.  He has a HUGE collection of DVD's, most of which I've never seen.  I came home with this pile.

So far, I've watched the top two.  That Italian Job is for Bobby.  I've been having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, so I think it'll do me good to rest on the couch as much as I can this week.  Tonight I think I'll go to Rome.

Spring Stuff

Spring is a season of renewal.  Here are some of the renewed efforts I'm making or planning to make around my home and homeschool.

Spring Daily Chores - I've chosen today, the Monday after Easter Sunday, to make the daily chore switcheroo.  I've been changing these up seasonally so that the kids have enough time to learn them well, but also have a limit to how long they have to do a specific task.  Here's the spreadsheet.  Download my_rule.xls

Spring Menu - This is our simple Mon-Fri, breakfast-morning snack-lunch menu.  I like to save choosing for the afternoon snack and the weekends.  Our dinners I plan on a weekly basis, usually on Saturday morning right before Bobby takes my list to the store.  If you want to check it out. Download Menu.xls  (I'm trying for a daffodil color scheme.)

Spring Cleaning - I didn't even attempt this during Holy Week.  I knew there was no way I could get it done in three days with my low energy, afraid-to-bend-too-much, pregnant body.  I was actually feeling kind of discouraged about the whole thing until last night.  Bobby offered to help me do it all during our vacation week.  Now that's a big deposit in the old emotional bank account!  I'm already thinking about checklists, schedules, stocking the cleaning supply closet, etc.

Spring Purging - The school room is a work in progress that I hope to finish before the great weather appears.  But today I was thinking grand.  Is it the Flylady who says to work on decluttering before you start the detailed cleaning?  Maybe I could declutter OUR WHOLE HOUSE before our vacation, which is scheduled for the week of April 7th.  What do you think?

Spring Curriculum - It is time to remove that "Winter Curriculum" from my right sidebar.  It's really not appropriate anymore.  I doubt the spring version will be a whole lot different from the winter one, but still, it needs updating.  I'll work on that this week.  One thing that I know for sure that I'll be adding is picture study and composer study.  I ignored these in the winter and I'm ready to do it again.  It'll be Cassatt and Vivaldi.

Spring Habits - And while I'm updating my right sidebar, how about a habit change?  It's said that I've been working on morning routines since last summer.  How lame.  It only takes 21 days to establish a habit.  That is if you are consistent with it.  Well, I'm not going to attempt to explain why we've worked on these for 210 days.  Let's just begin anew with.... with ????  I'll think about it tonight.

Spring Prayer - During Lent I had planned to get up at 5:30 every morning so that I could read the Mass readings and The Word Among Us meditation, along with my usual prayers.  Well, the getting up early and the Mass readings didn't happen.  But Holy Week is very inspiring to me.  I plan to get up at my usual 6:00 and start at the beginning of the New Testament.  A shorter shower would give me more time to read.

Ooops.  Here I am bloggin' away during The Children's Hour.  Why hasn't anybody come to tell me it's bathtime?  Why hasn't Bobby told me to stop being a Computer Potato?

 

I'm a Thinker

This was a very busy weekend.  I really enjoyed scrapbooking with my sister and my friend Kari on Friday and Saturday.  I got our Disney trip and our 2006 Family Album all mounted.  Now, they just need to be journaled.  Jodie and I had dinner out on Saturday night.  Last night we all went to Bobby's Superbowl Party.  I left with the three youngest after Tom Petty's half-time show. 

WARNING:  The rest of this post is rather dreamy, so if you're not in the mood, skip it.

I am still imagining the life I want to live.  In January, I was too sick and tired to feel like doing any planning.  But this month I'm feeling differently about it.  Bobby and I have been talking about our dreams and goals.  His are mostly related to his career.  Mine are mostly related to homeschooling and taking care of the household.  We agreed that mine seem easier to achieve because the outcome of his are more dependent on things outside of our control.  Mine seem more dependent upon discipline and choices.  But enough of this general talk, let me at least write specifically about what I've been thinking.

When I imagine how I want to live right now, in the present, I always think that I want my day to peacefully flow.  Busy is OK, as long as it's not impatient, stressful, hurrying busy.  There is a peacefully going about the next thing busy, that I enjoy.  I want to wake up feeling rested, not dragging from another late night.  I want to get up early enough to be alone with God for awhile each morning, before I'm needed by others.  I want to have a daily rhythm.  This means I need to stick with our morning routines, our chores for the day, our school routines and our Children's Hour at night.  Basically, it means sticking with the first draft of the mother's rule I've made for myself.  This is really hard for me.  I get distracted easily.  Speaking of distracted, notice how I've left my rule in it's beginning stages to work on decluttering my house and also decorating it.  I don't think I've written about it here on my blog, but Bobby and I are determined to get rugs on our floors, window treatments and stuff on our walls.  Bobby especially dislikes the echo in our home, and I'm all for making it homier.  Every decision and purchase we make takes up time though, and I can't wait until it's all finished. 

I guess these things are all related.  The decluttering will hopefully bring order and simplicity.  I want that order.  (A place for everything and everything in its place.)  I want the simplicity of having fewer possessions to take care of.  Speaking of simplicity..... I've also been thinking about my ideal homeschool.  If you've ever read Pocketful of Pinecones, you can probably imagine what I'd like my homeschooling days to be like.  Lots of read alouds, spending lots of time outdoors, taking strolls in a park, having discussions with each other on loads of different topics, living life at a slow pace, etc.  Of course, I realize that this will never happen.  For one thing, we aren't living in the thirties.  Also, I have more than two children, including one toddler.  We don't have a farm to visit, and we've chosen to commit to many outside activities.  But I do see that there are changes I can make to get a little closer to my ideal.  I see the gaps between what I'd like to be doing and what I'm actually doing.

Well, that's all I have to say on this for now.  I'm hoping that writing (along with praying) will bring me some clarity.  But for now, I really need to fold the clothes before dinner. 

First Things First

It's pouring out today.  It's a perfect day for organizing something.  There will be no "I should be outside enjoying the nice weather" guilt.  Just as I was about to prepare to lauch a series of posts on clothing organization, Bobby suggested that I clean the bathrooms before I start a clothing project.  He reminded me that we are having people over on Sunday for Worker's First Communion party.  I cleverly came back with, "Well if I clean the bathrooms today, they won't be clean on Sunday."  He reminded me of what he called "the bomb" in the kids' bathroom.  Unfortunately, I knew exactly what he meant.

So Bobby, if you're reading this, which I doubt you are, because reading my blog is probably in your 4th quadrant, (possibly 2nd), please come home right away because the bathrooms are presently sparkling. 

"Uh...excuse me Mom, but your posture at the table is not very good."

Once again I'm quoting Snuggler on manners.  I told my kids that they could remind me when I'm not using proper table manners, and believe me, they have been.  Helper says regularly, "Mommy, your elbow is almost on the table."  Yesterday she told Bobby his elbow was on the table and added, "Daddy you're not supposed to cross your legs."  We have not become table etiquette experts, but we're certainly much more gracious than we were a month ago.

Last week we talked about blowing on our food (how it's not good manners to do it, but we do it at our house when we're in a hurry.)  We talked about napkin etiquette and the proper way to pass food.

I found this post on a blog that I discovered through the Homeschool Blog Awards: Fun Lessons on Manners.  The kids giggled all the way through the 9 lessons.

We read these two books on manners that we found at the library:

Richard Scarry's Please and Thank You Book - Anything Richard Scarry makes me giggle.  My favorite page was the one in which everyone is looking for Grandma's glasses.

It's a Spoon, Not a Shovel - This was a fun and silly book for the boys.  It's set up with multiple choice questions followed by searches for the letters of the correct answers in the pictures.  Helper got frustrated because she couldn't find the letters fast enough.  There's a bit of not-so-nice language such as "stupid" and "Lettuce-Breath" in it, but I haven't heard anyone repeating it, so it didn't bother me.

It's been about a month since we started working on table manners.  I think it's about time to move on.  I've been considering a Habit of the Month since Maryan brought it up in this thread.  I had been inspired to work on The Children's Hour, and then table manners, but I'm not currently inspired with an idea of a habit to work on with my children.  Any suggestions?  I plan to watch for the behaviors that are troublesome.  I think I'll give myself until June to decide.

The habit that I've been working on is early rising.  Yes, I've been getting up between 6:00 and 6:30 am every morning.  I've even been going to bed around 10:00 pm on some nights.  (That's early for me.)  Unfortunately, the kids are sometimes getting up around my earlier hours.  I may need to shoot for 5:45 am.  (Yikes!)  Today I was inspired with an idea for my next habit to work on.  It's going to be "being on time".  (Don't laugh, Daddy.)  Now I just need to decide if it's going to be my Habit of the Month for May, or for June. 

I Want To Be A Morning Lark

I've been getting up early (around 6:30 am) for a few weeks now.  My desire is to have some time alone in the morning for prayer, meditation and a nice, hot, quiet shower.  This morning didn't go my way because Sweet Pea woke up around 5-ish and as I was trying to get her to go back to sleep, Helper woke up...  then Snuggler... then Worker...

Days like these really make me wish I would have gone to bed earlier the night before.  I recently read an interesting article called From Night Owl to Morning Lark.  It was written by Teri Maxwell, one of the authors of Managers of Their Homes.  It got me thinking that maybe my night owlishness is just a habit.  One that I developed so long ago, that I've been assuming it's part of my nature.  And since I love analyzing things, let's take a look at my sleep history. 

I believe this staying up late began during my school years.  It was a regular thing by high school because I would procrastinate doing my homework until everyone was asleep.  (Many times I was finishing it on the bus ride to school.)  I remember starting research papers the night before they were due and pulling all-nighters.  I can't believe my family could sleep through the noise of my hunting and pecking at the typewriter.

Anyway, this continued through my college years.  Oh, and then came the five years when I worked the night shift in a factory.  I enjoyed working from 11:00pm-7:00am.  There is something calm and peaceful about being awake during the night.  So why do I want to stop this?  Oh yeah, I want to be a morning lark. 

Then came years of cuddling nursing babies late at night and this past year's going online while nursing late at night.  So I've really laid down the tracks for this habit, and it's going to take more than a few weeks to tear them up and make new tracks.

"Mommy, Granpa has his elbow on the table."

Snuggler said this Friday night during dinner, and I was happy because he is taking an interest in proper table manners.  We all are.  Did you know that you're not supposed to saw your roll in half and spread butter all over its insides? That you should just break off a bite sized piece with your hands and butter it with some of the pat of butter that's on your plate?  I didn't.

The same goes for cutting meat.  It makes you look more gracious if you cut only a few pieces at a time, instead of your entire portion.  Plus it keeps the meat warmer longer.  This reminds me of my mother breaking up entire piles of frozen waffles with her hands.  Sometimes graciousness is not the priority.  Sometimes we choose efficiency over etiquette.  But it's good to know the polite way to eat in case Bobby decides to run for President, and so I can teach table manners to my kids.

I'm approaching this habit like this.  I'm reading 365 Manners Kids Should Know by myself, then I'm talking about what I've learned with the kids at breakfast.

We started by talking about getting ready for a meal.  Ok, I'll admit we didn't wash our hands before eating unless they were visibly dirty.  But if you've eaten at our house before, don't worry.  We always wash before preparing food.  Now we're washing hands and the kids are (supposedly) waiting in their seats with their hands on their laps.

Next up was proper posture at the table.  Sit a few inches from the table, on your bum, legs touching the floor (or hanging down) and arm(s) that you aren't using on your lap.  You may rest your wrists on the table, but elbows are only allowed if you're not holding a utensil or a cup.  Like if you're talking after a meal, for example.  Make sure you don't wrap your arm around your plate as if you're hugging it.  And sit up straight.  (I'm a slumper.  It's those weak post-babies abs.)

This next one is very important: what we shouldn't bring to the table.  The author suggests that we should focus on people at the table.  So books, newspapers and handheld video games would not be appropriate.  We don't have problems with these things.  What we shouldn't bring to the table are blankets, dolls and toys.  I wish I had a dollar for everytime I've said "no blankets at the table."

I did one demonstration of how to set the table properly.  I'm not concerned with formal table settings or formal table manners right now, just what we're going to use in our home.  So we put the plate about a half of a finger from the edge of the table.  We put the knife and spoon on the right and the fork on the left.  The napkin was placed to the left of the fork and a cup was placed above the knife.  I'm sure we'll need to practice this one.

And finally, we talked about saying grace.  We usually only say it at dinner time, but we're starting to do it at every meal.  The ideal is to close your eyes and be still and quiet during it.  This is quite a challenge for some.

I'm pretty sure that's all we've done so far.  I'll continue talking about new ideas with the kids and reminding them to practice what we've already learned.  And I'll try to work those abs and sit up straight.

Table Manners

Well, now that our bedtime routine is going well, it's time to work on another habit.  Because of our success with the last one, I'm feeling very hopeful.  In fact, I'm on fire!  I can't wait to start working on this one!

We've been reading the Little House books lately.  The belief back then was that children should be seen and not heard.  Laura and Mary didn't talk during their supper time.  Now I don't agree with this line of thinking. I want my children to talk during our family dinners, but can we not be on the totally opposite end of the dining-with-children spectrum? 

At our house I can barely hear what Bobby (who sits to my immediate left at our round table) is saying.  The noise level is outrageous.  Sweet Pea is screaming in her high chair, Snuggler has trouble remembering not to sing at the table and he hums like the Flamingo Kid.  Then there's me getting up ten times during the meal for various reasons and the ultimate dinner disturbance... "I don't like it!" (said in a loud, whiny voice.)

So, we have some things to work on.

Today I picked up a copy of  365 Manners Kids Should Know from the library.  It looks fascinating, and not just for the kids.  I know my parents did teach me manners, but I got an apartment when I was twenty.  So for the past 17 years I've been practicing my own laid back, casual dining habits.  It's time to take action!  Just one manner at a time.